Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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