did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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