...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
