I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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