OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
