I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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