well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
