i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
