I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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