Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
