Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
