You just made me feel so damn special
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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