I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He? As in you personified your dick?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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