They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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