it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He better not be in your backpack
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
