My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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