I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my liver is dry heaving
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
