Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
