allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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