Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
