conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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