As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
