I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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