I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
