I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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