Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
