1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
