it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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