Sponge bath it is.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I FOUND THE LEGS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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