oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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