I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
