my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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