1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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