I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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