how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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