I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible