I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"