I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
