i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
