hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
