in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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