I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
