Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
