I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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