I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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