I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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