If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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