I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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