i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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