You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
