but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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