The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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