did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
