I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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