I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
