So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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