i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
