you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
