It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
