is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
