I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
