we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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