Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
