I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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