someone threw a dead crab at me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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