She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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