the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
