Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
