so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
