So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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