Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
