Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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