How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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