thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
