Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
